Dear Therapist: I’m Dating a Divorced Man With Kids and It’s Harder Than I Thought

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I am 40 and have been with my partner for five years. We are both divorced and last year my son and I moved in with him. He has two younger children who we see every day and we have managed to make a happy family life together that is precious to all of us. His ex-wife lives close by with the man she had the affair with that ended her marriage with my partner. She phones and texts him once or twice a day, sometimes more, and although the messages are usually about the children, I find the sheer volume of contact difficult to deal with. We decided that my partner would not answer her calls when we are eating dinner or respond to texts sent after 9pm at night, but she has not got the message and I feel the level of contact is both disrespectful and inappropriate. Our home life is constantly invaded and there seems to be some competition going on about whether he is the father of her children first, or my partner. I have no problem with the kids coming first - it's the constant presence of the ex that causes me difficulty. I worry that she still feels a strong attachment to him and hasn't really let him go - the situation is a cause of frequent arguments between my partner and me.

It is possible to dissolve your marriage ceremony from your former spouse, but it is not possible—and never will be possible—to dissolve your co-parenting relationship. You may be happy to not allow to deal with your former husband every day, but your kids can still have regular interactions that bidding affect them. As long as you were still married and still active in the same house, you were still keeping an eye on all other. If your wife did a bite to get the kids upset, you were there to step in after that mitigate the situation. If she was letting them watch inappropriate movies before keeping them up too late before letting them go to school improperly dressed, you still had an affect. Once you are divorced, your kids are on their own when they spend time with her. You allow no control over whom she introduces them to—or even leaves them along with.

Dating a divorced dad can often be a challenge for potential suitors. As a result of no means a deal breaker dating is, in any circumstance loaded along with landmines , those who decide en route for date divorced fathers simply must argue with other elements. So what is it like from the perspective of someone dating a divorced dad? A few needed to leave because they knew they could never contend with his kids or ex; others found a lot of success and long-time adoration.

Before dating as a single parent, dad or mom. Red Flags, we akin to to call them. And perhaps our unfinished healing might keep us as of starting the dating process again. I will admit that getting back absent there, for me, as a be in charge of, initially was about sex.

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